#liveauthentic

  

I put on make up today 

to take a selfie

I’m starting to look better in my living room

Than I do in real life

I wrote this poem using Siri while driving on the freeway

In my car I’m playing my favorite song

The melody made me feel full 

like I was in love

So I took a Snapchat 

While I was driving

If enough people like it 

maybe it’ll be my tinder profile pic

All these 10 second moments…

Trying to replace a life

We’ve become like an Instagram photo of the sunset

Reminding you of beauty 

but it’s not quite there

A picture of a feeling

but the feeling disappeared 

I want to text someone and tell them how amazing it feels to sing the song alone in my car at the top of my lungs

I want to videotape my heart

And post it on Facebook

Because maybe 

if I can just get up to 5695 likes

I’ll know that people really understand me

Sometimes I wonder if the only way to make people listen is to scream…

Or maybe just get real drunk

Because then at least we are all drunk together

Right?

I want to talk to people 

I want to have deep meaningful conversation 

but everyone’s so busy

Curating their life

And keeping up with social media 

I took a picture of my friends standing by the firelight and I posted it on Instagram 

#friends #goodtimes #liveauthentic

Now everyone thinks I’m happy

But mostly

I was drunk

I don’t remember what we talked about

But it had something to do with the beauty of pain

I’ve had a lot of pain I guess…

I just kill it all with whisky

And moonlight #hangs

Just keep chasing that light

When I can’t find my iPhone charger- it hurts like heroin

God I’m so distracted

Maybe I should make a Facebook post, about how distracted I am

Or maybe I’ll take a selfie and copy paste my thoughts- with the picture

Then share my Instagram on Facebook

Or my blog

And also Twitter

But maybe just my blog

I mean… I don’t want to seem too desperate 

Well maybe not a selfie…

That’s too self absorbed for an introspective post

I’ll go to the lake 

And have my friend

Take a picture of my back

As I look out into the water

Yea- I think that would be a good picture

To explain my anxiety 

And the deep need for freedom

And escape
  
Photo by Ruth Chapa